Anthony Stansfield and Timothy Wynn-Werninck


At number 1, Mrs Murgatroyd – a retired primary head teacher – now a school inspector for North Devon District Council. She has a disabled husband and two daughters, Polly and Lucy, and three grandchildren.

Lord Pemberton-Smith who is a professional young barrister recently married to Emily. They live across the road at number 7, and have been in the house only eighteen months.

He fancies Mrs Murgatroyd’s older daughter Polly, aged twenty seven.

At 23 lives Mr John Pickard, a working farmer who sometimes muck rakes  – but has an active interest in the sabotage of the party. He owns the land deeds to the village hall.

Mrs Murgatroyd has paid for the street party already, but John Pickard tries to have a ‘proviso’ that she pays the full amount by Friday. Mrs Murgatroyd manages to obtain the full amount £250 from the local residents.

The food has to be prepared the night before and several family members are willing to do it for the street party, i.e. sausage rolls, quiche, also posh smoked salmon, rare roast beef and soufflé. For the younger ones, hot dogs, bangers, beans, lollies on sticks, jelly.

Games were: pin the tail on the donkey, blind person’s buff, pass the parcel, domino toppling and spin the wheel.


He thought it could never happen but it did. Whatever happened to loyalty and obedience in the marriage vows? He had always been loyal and given her anything that she wanted and this was how she rewarded him. Off with a postman and not any old postman. He had served under his dad and never liked him. What was his wife doing? He could only think that she fancied his SAS training. His wife, on reflection, did have awful teeth like her mount ‘Tubby Turpin’.

He, like any may, had made mistakes and looked at his fake Victoria Cross from the local antique shop along with the title of Lord Ponsenby Smythe. He had found it difficult to move away from Bath and his friends and move to such a backwater and worse, buy a tumbledown cottage. What was he thinking? And worst of all with high insurance he regretted that last hand in poker, but felt it was the right thing to do. It had been tough sending his children to Public School on corporal’s wages. It had taught the two kids. Sorry Children to be independent and how did they reward him? Never came to see them.

His son Charles Edward Lou Albert Frederick, Leopold Cecil Mountbatten Smythe was now known as Bomb the Bass slasher hit the drum killer and now had a seedy night club in Ibiza.

His daughter Anastasia, Elizabeth, Gullnaviere, Ann Smythe. Married the local Dustbin Man from nearby Swill Lane. There was nowt wrong with Fred Smith and he was Public Civil servant of the year 79-2016 partially because there was nobody else. She changed her name to Daisy Lettuce Peace to all Smith.

He looked in the hall mirror. He was going to get through this. He was loved and admired village with his eye glass. Top Hat and Rupert Bear Trousers. He now thought it was time to move on and regretted the nasty emails, to Mrs Murgatroyde. He knew he liked her and always admired her cutting replies. The Street party was now only a week away and then that was the time to make a move.

I suppose now everything in his world was awful and felt on a right downer, especially the talk in the pub. The same faces and the repetition of the price of bloody cows and sheep.